Humor 2012

Season 2012 Announcement

February 2, 2012

Goats,

It seems appropriate, on this Groundhog Day, to once again ask the question "Does anybody wanna play ball this year?"

Now that MSL has launched, I'm sure we all have plenty of time for infield practice, shagging fly balls, roadwork, weights, and batting cages... (Some of us should accessorize with gloves and cleats.)

If you want to play, please respond to Tom Hoffman, Dave Herman, and me. Better yet, does anybody want to MANAGE this year??? If so, send your resume and $100 in small, un-chewed bills to each of us previous managers and we'll consider your case. The managerial ranks may be thin this year. Uncle Sam and Old Bill Grogan want you!

If we can round up enough Goats, we should have several/many practices in March and maybe even some later this month.

Can we muster up one more season before the end of the fourth Mayan world?

Keith


Sign-Ups

February 29, 2012

Mighty Goats,

The 2012 Season is nigh upon us.

Please print, fill-in (and sign), and return the attached waiver form to me by March 12. Also, please include my annual tribute, i.e., your portion of the Team Fee, which is $20 per head. I need a waiver for every player - so if you have family members on the team, please be sure I get a form for each of them.

The season will run from the week of April 16 through the week of August 27. We'll start this season with Manager Dave out indefinitely and Manager Tom on IR.

I hope to schedule practices for the last two weeks of March and the first two weeks of April.

Go Goats!

Keith

February 29, 2012

Mighty Goats,

I forgot to add that I need your age and zip code as well. I am not necessarily stalking you ... the City of Pasadena requests this information from the league.

You can send this info via email.

Thanks.

Keith

March 8, 2012

Tardy Goats,

I have forms, and more importantly (to my wallet), money, from only FIVE Goats: Keith, Larry, Bryan, Keizo, and Eisha. PLEASE overcome your inertia and get 'er done!

Keith


Practice Announcement

March 20, 2012

Mighty Goats and potential future Goats,

Let's meet at Hahamongna North Field, HN, (with the backstop) the next few weeks to practice before the season starts. We'll meet Wednesdays at 5:30 PM starting next week. (I'm on travel this week, but you can get together this week if you really want to impress me.)

Rookies and Rusty Old Goats are highly encouraged to attend. In fact, signing bonuses are null and void if any practice is missed.

Go Goats!

Keith


Registration

March 30, 2012

Sent to a select group of 4 Goats (Tom, Glenn, Eli and Steve)

Slacker Goats,

Well, you guys are this year's holdouts. The new ownership conglomerate has informed me that higher salaries are not an option for unsigned players. You may get your name painted on a handicapped parking space - which I'm sure you won't admit to being able to use - but don't count on it.

Please complete your paperwork, include your age and zip code, and forward with my (Vegas/brew) money ASAP. You could bring the above to Tuesday's practice... and I'll forgo the requisite $50 fines.

Keith


Goat Scout Uniforms

March 30, 2012 (1:29 p.m.)

Mighty Goats,

From our last team-wide order of shirts, the old-school traditionalist players on the team selected the burnt orange as the "home" color, and the tan as the "away" color (since we were only offered two colors). Later, the Charlie O's amongst us chose the Cal blue & yellow (or was that Michigan maize & navy?) or pink, even.

Pick a color or colors that make you happy. You'll fit right in with our Flying Circus rainbow of previous uniform colors.

If you want uniforms (T-shirts), you can get them from:

T-Shirt Factory Outlet
printingtee.com
50 South Rosemead Boulevard, Pasadena
626-585-8810
Reference Goat Scouts/Michele (Miki) Bell

or

http://www.cafepress.com/nogoats

or

www.customink.com

(You'll need the image for this one, and I don't have it.)

Keith

March 30, 2012 (1:47 p.m.)

Dapper Goats,

Aha! Below is the image which you can use for the last source listed below, Custom Ink. (Sounds like a reality TV tattoo parlor show...)

Keith


Goat Scout Game Reminders

June 14, 2012 (1:57 p.m.)

Goats,

Our next game is Tuesday, June 19, on HN. We are hosting the Eclectic Eccentrics.

I will be on travel next week, so please RSVP to Bryan, Tom, and Larry.

Go Goats! - And don't forfeit this time!

Big Dave - Liana could use some help in the outfield... and our lineup could use another big bat! :)

Keith

June 14, 2012 (2:26 p.m.)

I am planning to be there,

Keizo

PS Dave, we need you back to wreck havoc on the base paths! Things are just not the same without you running people over! But Liana was as awesome as you ever were in the outfield (especially yesterday).....

June 18, 2012 (12:52 p.m.)

Dave,

I'm not just looking for any old big bat - I specifically want big old you!

Keith

June 25, 2012 (9:50 a.m.)

Goats,

Our next game is Wednesday, June 27, on HN. We are visiting the Voodoo TOAD Fury.

We have some potential mid-season call-ups that I hope will be joining us.

Please let me and Tom Hoffman know if you will play.

Keith

June 25, 2012 (2:14 p.m.)

I have a doctor's appointment at 3:30. I hope it'll end by 5:00, and so I plan on being at softball as long as the appointment doesn't run super late.

-Will

June 25, 2012 (3:32 p.m.)

Don't worry about what the doctor says - rub some dirt on it and get back in the game

Tom

July 16, 2012 (9:06 a.m.)

Goats,

Don't forget that we have a game tonight! That is, if we can get more girls. So far I have only Liana with a yes response. Angela and Eisha have dates with their personal trainers...

Will any more girls be playing tonight, or should I start contacting Karen about a possible forfeit?

Keith

July 16, 2012 (9:40 a.m.)

Can you convince Bryan and Keizo to wear grass skirts and wigs? Please though…no coconuts!

Tom

July 16, 2012 (9:45 a.m.)

Tom,

We've being throwing Keizo at them for years... They are starting to wise up. Funny you mention this, because Bryan was just in here offering up his skirts! I think we've been playing together too long - we're starting to think alike!

Keith

July 16, 2012 (3:58 p.m.)

Goats,

We have enough girls - so ... GAME ON!

Keith


Goat Scout Recruiting

June 20, 2012 (5:49 p.m.)

I play on a softball team, Goat Scouts, at JPL. Games are once a week on M, T, or W at 5:30pm. If you are interested in coming and playing at any of the games, please let me and the team manager (Martin, Keith E (3497) ) know. This is a fairly laid back league with no balls or strikes; i.e., you swing until you hit. You’ll need to sign a waiver and ask Keith to add you to the team email list.

Regards,

Oleg

June 21, 2012 (9:49 a.m.)

I might stop by for a game or two to see what's happening.

Cordially

Chris

June 21, 2012 (11:52 a.m.)

Ok, please let Keith now that you want to be put on the distribution list and may come to a game or two.

Regards,

Oleg

June 21, 2012 (12:20 p.m.)

Hi Keith,

My name is Chris Morrison and I heard about the Goat Scouts from Oleg. It sounds fun and adaptable to a novice like me. I think I may stop by for a game or two. I think I need to sign your waiver. Let me know what I need to do.

Cordially,

Christopher Morrison

June 21, 2012 (1:30 p.m.)

Chris,

Wow! It looks like Oleg is looking for some recruiting bonuses! I'm sure Oleg didn't mention the Double-Secret Probation Fee, the Support Your Manager Fee, and the other miscellaneous fees that you might be liable for... but don't worry. We'll settle all accounts later. :)

Attached are the items I just sent to Sarah Marx: the waiver form, maps to the fields, and the latest schedule.

I need to get your age and zip code for the league for the City of Pasadena.

Here's our web site: http://goatscouts.jplsoftball.org/

Welcome aboard! See you next week.

Keith


Post Season

October 31, 2012 (1:09 p.m.)

I heard rumors there used to be a special outstanding goat award? Maybe if the award is brought back some young-ins would be more likely to show up for games.

I just basically really want to see a sheep on a pcb board with lights. This was how it was described to me. : )

- Eisha

October 31, 2012 (1:42 p.m.)

Eisha,

I think maybe all that Halloween candy is going to your head. Back in the last century we used to wire-wrap everything, so I don't know where this PCB board comes from. And if there was one, I never saw it. There used to be some certificates that were distributed by Miki, and if there was an outstanding goat, it always went to Bryan (truly unbiased choice, I'm sure). Ah, the perks of being Manager and boyfriend/ husband... The only certificate I ever got was "Best Base Coach", and I wasn't even managing then.

My team at my previous company had a weekly award, the "Slugger of the Week" or something like that. The award was a 9" miniature bat that was a promotion from the Angels or Dodgers or somewhere. We gave it each week to the *worst* batter that week. So it, too, was for a Goat...

Kids these days! Oy! Whatever happened to taking satisfaction in a job well done? Of challenging yourself to make your best effort? But noooooooooooooooo! Nowadays we gotta give gold stars to all of our players, even Keizo. (There, I worked him in somehow.)

I'm sure next season's managers will gladly hand out certificates and awards next year even for just attending the game. Heck, I would have the last few games last season - but nobody showed up!

Eisha, why don't you design & build a board with blinking LEDs that we can pass around to the *best* player each week for next season. Easy on the blinking, we don't want any epileptic fits. ("Best" player is to be defined.)

Keith

October 31, 2012 (1:53 p.m.)

Keith/Eisha,

As I recall, we did have a trophy with a goat on top but I don’t remember what happened to it… I have a hard time recalling memories from last week too!

I am digging the PCB with LEDs on it, I’ll have to check our surplus hardware! We also need a comeback of our end of the season beach party too! I have a little cash from the T-shirt sales. Keith, you will have the honors of passing the goat around, else it would end up at my house on a weekly basis!

Miki

October 31, 2012 (5:07 p.m.)

Dang, you think I’d have seen this one coming. I know next time to bring my requests in person. : )

I would say I’d work on that board but after last season I don’t think my word is very reliable anymore. I guess I’ll take my batting strategy approach to this: show up at the plate and just hope I somehow learned how to bat. Who knows maybe this board will magically reappear. All youngins know, vintage is always better.

- Eisha